Are you being abused physically or financially and in need of divorce advice then keep reading? Let us agree that the topic of abusive relationships usually does not come up in most casual conversations. It is a dirty little secret that no one wants to talk about. The neighbor who hears the yelling and screaming is reluctant to talk to the victim for fear of seeming nosy. The co-worker who sees the bruises readily accepts the accident story, even though these accidents seem to happen quite often. And the victim does not speak up for fear of being judged as weak, or even worse, deserving of the abuse.
The worst scenario is the most frequent one when the victim suffers in silence. Many are afraid of reprisal if they speak out. Even worse is when she does speak up and the situation is downplayed by friends who just think she is overreacting. And the friends and family who actually recognize the seriousness of the abuse often lose patience when the victim continues to stay with her abuser.
Those who care about her often fail to understand how continued abusive and controlling behavior changes the victim. Their self-esteem is slowly eroded away until there is not enough fight left in them to leave. If we try to understand the various dynamics of abusive relationships it can help the victim so much. Maybe the solutions in such cases are not the easiest ones but they exist.
If you feel that you are trapped in an abusive relationship, there are steps you can take to begin to secure your finances and prepare for an exit. It can be done safely when you consider the following bits of advice.
Open a bank account
Open a bank account in your own name and start putting away money. Do it whenever possible even with small amounts. You will definitely need every cent. If it is possible, transfer your assets into a separate account and make sure your paycheck is direct deposited into your account rather than the joint one.
Try to remove your name from debt. This way you can avoid having to pay for any debt incurred after you leave.
Copy of important documents
Keep copies of your important paperwork, including bank statements, marriage certificates, social security numbers, etc. It is likely a good idea to have a safe place outside of the home to store such documents. You can also keep them at somebody’s place that you really trust.
Get a credit card
Obtain a credit card so you have access to money if you find yourself cut off from your husband.
Open a private email
Open a new, private email account that you can use to securely communicate with an attorney and other divorce professionals. You can even use a public library to access the account if you are worried that your home computer is not safe. It is so important that he does not have access to your conversations with your attorney otherwise it will turn into a nightmare for you.
Get a post office box so you can receive your email securely. This way he will have less control over you.
Change any PIN’s that are yours to a number that would not be easily guessed by your spouse. Use different PINs to each email, account, etc. Try to change those PINs as often as possible, at least once every two weeks to be on the secure side.
Avoid signing documents
If at all possible, avoid signing any documents handed to you by your husband. It can be a real disaster if you sign something that will later speak against you.
Finally, and most important, make arrangements with family or friends for you and your children to move out of the house at a safe time.
Sadly, many women spend years tolerating emotional abuse and behavior that would shock outsiders. Some stay in the hopes their husband will change, while others stay for the kids or financial reasons. It is time to stop rationalizing certain behavior as normal and get some help and divorce advice.
Finally, women that have suffered through an abusive relationship have to do all the same things that any woman going through a divorce. The only difference is that each step is made more difficult by the looming presence of an abusive spouse who will do every possible thing to make your life a nightmare.
Unfortunately, many women go through terribly complicated divorces because of being unprepared. Unfair property settlements, outrageous attorney fees, and months (or even years) spent battling it out in court. Keep in mind that even though divorce can be complicated it is your only way out to a better future. You just need to turn to the right place for divorce advice. We wish you good luck.